Raising a Responsible Young Man

Always trying to think of ways to help Jonathan be more responsible, so I came up with a great idea! Every time he does something spontaneously responsible, he can put a mark on the white board....and I'll pay him a dime for each mark at the end of the day.

Explaining the plan to my son, along with some examples. Things like...closing a drawer after you open it, putting away your dishes after you eat, putting your trash IN the trash can (rather than leaving it on the lid of the trash can). Those kinds of things. 

He thinks it is a great idea.  Dollar signs flashing in his eyes. What an awesome motivator!!  Surely this will make a responsible young man, even if I need to bribe him a bit.

He goes over to a filing cabinet, looks at me with a mischievous grin. He opens the drawer and closes it. Then repeats it laughing. And again, adding "Chi-ching" each time. After he does it 100 times he stretches out his hand, and with a twinkle in his eye says, "$10.00 please."

My boy. Gotta love him.

Where Would You Go On Your First Date?

From time to time I play Family Feud.   Occasionally, Jonathan will join me and we'll take turns answering the questions.  

The question came up:  "Where would you go on your first date?"

I answered, "Movie".   57% of those polled also said "Movie". 

"Good answer, Mom!"  he said with a high 5.

Jonathan's turn.

"I'd take her to my bedroom."

"WHAT???  NO!  Son!!  What in the world???  You NEVER EVER take a girl to your bedroom, Jonathan!!  Why would you take a girl to your bedroom???   (Knowing my son is still very innocent in anything to do with the birds and bees, I was really quite curious.  Had I misjudged his naivety ?)

"Why not, Mom?? That's where the video games are!"

"Ohhhhhh, of course!  The video games!!   

"But don't worry Mom, I'd let her win sometimes.  Then she'd keep playing with me."

Wise young man...

So much for that game of Family Feud.  I think we got sidetracked.  : )

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

He's a Poet and he Didn't Know It! (Neither Did I...)

My son decided to write some poetry tonight.  He just kind of whipped out the verse...giggling as he made it up:

"Gilbert was such a greedy glutton, as he gnawed upon a leg of mutton.

He couldn't believe his sea-blue eyes, when the leg kicked him by surprise.

Now he only eats rolls and bread, because he knows that they are really dead."

It rhymes...that is good.  I'm also impressed by his vocabulary. And his creativity.  But what strikes me the most is his seemingly planned humor.  I just love it!

And "they" told me he might never talk.  

"Look Mom, I'm writing poetry, and it makes people laugh"

What a guy.

A Team Player?

First let me start out saying that I LOVE MY SON. He has some wonderful qualities that I find absolutely intriguing.  I can promise you that life is NOT boring in our house.  If things seem mundane, in a minute or two it will change, without a doubt.

My son has come so far on this journey through ASD Land.  Once he was very much a loner, unhappy most of the time, unable to communicate even the simplest of needs. But all these things have changed.  He now yearns for friends and enjoys playing games and interacting.  He is no longer unhappy!  He is a funny kid, and enjoys life.  His joy often overflows to others around him, as he shares his latest joke, or amuses us with a crazy antic.  He's also able to share his thoughts as he's learned how to express himself, first with PECS and now with words. He is now conversational, with some word retrieval difficulty, but he manages to let us know (probably more than we want to hear!) what is on his mind and his likes and dislikes.

One thing, however, that my boy has not had great success with, is being part of a team. He's good with a few kids, but the complexity of actually functioning as part of a larger group escapes him.  He will typically zone out and not participate, or he will do "his own thing" without consideration for the others participating.  

Jonathan, much to our surprise, made a request to be on a soccer team.  He's not really very sports minded, but he was sure he wanted to play.  I contacted a few Soccer Teams trying to decide what would be the best fit for him.  Ended up registering him for an AYSO team.  Their focus is on fun, good sportsmanship, and everyone playing. Not so much on competition and winning.  This is not a special needs league, but they are aware of Jonathan's "Quirks and Perks" and were very accommodating to include him on a team.   Due to some clerical errors, we started late, so he only had 2 practices before the first game.  

With very little experience in playing, I wasn't sure what my son would do during the first game. My hope was that he would not run the wrong direction and score for the other team.

Amazingly, Jonathan was totally into the game.  He enthusiastically played, congratulated others when they made a good play, he focused on the ball, successfully passing it a few times to another player,  and did his very best for the entire game.  He did not even have a melt down that his team did not win. Even more of a shock was that he's actually pretty good at playing Soccer!  Here are some pictures from the game:

 

When we were leaving, several boys called him by name and said they were looking forward to seeing him at the next practice.  He ran over to them, gave them a high 5, and came back to me with a smile.  He's part of a team!

We've faced many issues over the past 10 years, and have found ways to conquer or adapt or learn to cope with things that are not "natural' for my son.  I think the "team" thing is on the docket for this year.  Soccer is the tool to learn how to be part of a team.

Life is teamwork.  Being part of a team is a good thing. A very good thing.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

A Holy Scrubby?

A Holy Scrubby.

I promise this is not one of those “seeing Jesus in a piece of toast” proclamations. But this is my son's recent explanation of some of the spiritual things he's been contemplating.

One night after Jonathan had his bath, and was tucked into bed, he came out to the living room where I was typing on my laptop. My first impulse was to tell him to go back to bed, but there was something he really wanted to share, and I decided to give him permission. I'm so glad I did.

He started by telling me that he was in his bed thinking about Jesus. (That is a good way to get my attention!) He continued by asking me what I called the thing I used when I washed dishes.

A scrubby? (I really wasn't sure)

That was indeed what he was referring to.

He said, “I was thinking how Jesus is like a Srubby. One side is rough, and one side is soft. Sometimes, He can be hard on sin, you know, like the Bible Story about the men who were selling things in the temple. But there is another side of Him that is soft, like when you need a friend or you're sorry you've done something wrong.”

My son, the little boy with autism, who did not understand a word I said until he was 3, is now thinking deep thoughts. I wondered if he would ever understand anything about God's love. Now, he is able to think and express his thoughts about God's love with me. Profound insights. Awesome truths.

Yes, Jonathan, Jesus is like a Scrubby.

For me, washing dishes will never quite be the same again.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

How Many Apples In One Seed?

"Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed."
Robert H Schuller

I read this and remembered how the "experts" told me that my son might never talk or know I was his Mama. I was advised he might never have a meaningful relationship with us, and we needed to prepare ourselves for the possibility of autism having a profound effect on him in every way. One Neurologist told me my son was most likely mentally challenged as well, and that I would do my family a service if I found a nice home for him and tried again.

These people might have been well meaning. I'm sure they were attempting to get me to face what they felt was reality. But these professionals were counting seeds.

Thank the Lord, I did not heed their counsel.

Instead, I listened to God who told me NOTHING was impossible! I read how God could do exceedingly, abundantly above ALL we could ask or even think. Then I remembered God's promise that His plan was to give me hope and a future.

Occasionally I stray from keeping my eyes on God's Word, and the fear of the “what ifs” will plague my heart and mind. But I reset my focus on God's promises, and remember how far my precious son had come and once again my hope is renewed.

God has done a wonderful work. The days, weeks, months and years have only resulted in bushels of fruit. Despite what we were told by experts, our son, Jonathan, has grown into a fine young man. Compassionate, creative, bright, social, conversational and loving. He not only knows I'm his Mom, he broadcasts it. What a joy and blessing he is to us.

God has allowed me to be part of harvesting some of these apples. There is actually quite a nice orchard growing now. I am grateful.

Taking Care of God's Birds

Early this morning while waiting for the school bus, Jonathan and I were bird-watching from our deck. He took great delight in spotting them, and trying to decide what kind they were, and whether they were male or female. We threw out some bread, and different birds took turns pecking at their breakfast. Jonathan was very quiet, only speaking in a whisper as he said, “I feel so special that God let me take care of His birds this morning.”

Sweet boy with a golden heart.

The more I pondered his statement, the more meaning it had to me. Not only for my son to express his gratefulness to God, but also that he was showing signs of a caring person, not just looking out for his needs but the needs of God's creatures.

We should all be “taking care of God's birds”. Perhaps the care you show your “bird” is patience as you care for your son or daughter on the spectrum, or helping an elderly relative. Maybe it is making cookies for a lonely neighbor or teaching a Sunday school class. We need to look for the “birds” God sends to us and do our part in taking care of them.

Perhaps, at least in my life, every time I see a bird, it will be a reminder to me.

Noticing, caring and serving.

God's lessons from the mouth of my son.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

That Breaks My Heart

Ouch. That hurt...

I was trying to get some work done on my laptop and repeatedly asked my son, Jonathan, to lay at the other end of the couch. He was trying to snuggle, but he has a tough time sitting still, so it was more like cuddling with a windshield wiper. Somewhere around the 20th time I asked him to move, my request had a certain "tone" of OBEY NOW!

He looked at me with a very disappointed expression and replied,

"Mom, you really break my heart when you don't want me next to you."

Oh, baby... I'm so sorry.
Nothing is more important than taking time to let you know you're loved.
Nothing.
Not paying bills or
Responding to emails or
Reading blogs or
Teaching an Online Course for UCF or
Ebay or
Facebook.
Forgive me for acting like the most important thing isn't the most important thing.
When you were 3
You did not want to cuddle or hug.
I prayed that you would learn to enjoy being loved.
Now you do
And I tell you to move away.
Shame on me.
Forgive me, honey.
Someday, you might think you're too big to cuddle.
So I will remember to cherish
Every hug
Every kiss
Every moment
Every day.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

Running With A Torch

"Running with a Torch"

Where does your imagination take you when you read that?

I'm sure you think of the beginning of the Olympic games, where Running with the Torch has become a historic event. Those who are chosen feel privileged as the throngs of people cheer with anticipation as our athletes seek to push themselves to reach their dreams. Hard work and endurance are awarded by bronze, silver and gold.

Indeed, I beheld with my own eyes, Torch Running of a Different Kind.

While relaxing watching TV with my husband, and my son was content playing on the computer, I easily could have missed my torch bearer as he whooshed up the stairs and down the hallway. My "Mommy Gut Instinct" was alerted, as I summoned my son. He did not immediately appear, which means I must heed the questions racing through my mind.

"Jonathan! What is going on? What did you have raised over your head? And where did you put it?"

I sure was hoping that what I thought I saw, was not really what I saw. But alas, the confession only confirmed my vision.

"Well, Mom, see...there was a problem with the potty downstairs, so I got that thing from the upstairs bathroom, and took care of the problem. It's fine now, really...there isn't much damage to the bathroom. I did good."

Yes...the "torch" indeed was the Plumber's Helper from the upstairs bathroom. And the dripping of water all through the den and up the stairs and down the hall, not to mention IN my son's hair was from the "problem with the potty".

This reminds me of the hundreds of times Jonathan has taken it upon himself to "fix" a problem. It really doesn't naturally occur to him to ask for help. Never has...not sure it ever will, but I can hope. After a gazillion times of Mom and Dad saying "Just ask" perhaps one day he will.

So I have learned to rely on MGI (Mommy Gut Instinct). When I "sense" something isn't quite right I become like a secret agent on an espionage mission. Inevitably I find my son immersed in some plan or project I would object and forbid. (Notice the word "immersed" was used. No pun intended.)

The surprise his time, however, he DID fix the problem, and there was little evidence of a disaster.

Except of course for the trail of potty water up the stairs and down the hall.

Anyone need a plumber? I know one who will work for a bag of Skittles. : )

The Details - Jonathan's Perspective

While getting ready for school, Jonathan said something very profound.

"Mom, the God who created the whole entire universe made me. I think He cares about details."

At first I laughed. Then I realized how truly significant this thought process was for him. For my precious son is autistic, and it is hard for him to grasp that anyone could feel or think differently than he does. But, at least for a brief moment, he saw him self as a "detail" God cared about....not the center of God's creation. His horizon is becoming wider.

He's not belittling himself, just putting things in perspective.

Yes, Jonathan...God does care about the details. : )

A Dozen Thoughts - What Every Parent of an ASD Child Wished Their Child's Teacher Knew

1) It is never a shock that my child has behavior issues. I live with him. I know.

2) Tell me 2 good things about my child when you have to tell me something bad. Think of it as a sandwich. Good/Bad/Good.

3) Let me know you like my child.

4) Realize that I often feel guilty that he is in your class, because I know he takes up so much more of your time and effort than typical children do.

5) Even though my child has non-compliance issues, I am not a wimpy parent. I work harder, correct more, brainstorm more, set up reward programs, try to be diligently consistent, read more, worry more than parents of typical children.

6) Include me in on decisions about my child.

7) Ask me what works at home.

8) Try to go easy on the homework. We have enough struggles around here! Understand, if you assign homework we may or may not be able to get it done.

9) If my son says the tag in his shirt bothers him, cut it out, you totally have my permission. If you don't cut it out, plan on a bad day.

10) Remember that my child is a few years behind socially and emotionally. He may need help remembering to bring home jackets and lunch boxes. I have extras, but when they start to pile up at school, send them home.

11) Try to use my child's strengths in the classroom if you can. It will make his self-esteem soar.

12) Applaud me for getting him to school on time. You have no idea...