Taking Care of God's Birds

Early this morning while waiting for the school bus, Jonathan and I were bird-watching from our deck. He took great delight in spotting them, and trying to decide what kind they were, and whether they were male or female. We threw out some bread, and different birds took turns pecking at their breakfast. Jonathan was very quiet, only speaking in a whisper as he said, “I feel so special that God let me take care of His birds this morning.”

Sweet boy with a golden heart.

The more I pondered his statement, the more meaning it had to me. Not only for my son to express his gratefulness to God, but also that he was showing signs of a caring person, not just looking out for his needs but the needs of God's creatures.

We should all be “taking care of God's birds”. Perhaps the care you show your “bird” is patience as you care for your son or daughter on the spectrum, or helping an elderly relative. Maybe it is making cookies for a lonely neighbor or teaching a Sunday school class. We need to look for the “birds” God sends to us and do our part in taking care of them.

Perhaps, at least in my life, every time I see a bird, it will be a reminder to me.

Noticing, caring and serving.

God's lessons from the mouth of my son.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

That Breaks My Heart

Ouch. That hurt...

I was trying to get some work done on my laptop and repeatedly asked my son, Jonathan, to lay at the other end of the couch. He was trying to snuggle, but he has a tough time sitting still, so it was more like cuddling with a windshield wiper. Somewhere around the 20th time I asked him to move, my request had a certain "tone" of OBEY NOW!

He looked at me with a very disappointed expression and replied,

"Mom, you really break my heart when you don't want me next to you."

Oh, baby... I'm so sorry.
Nothing is more important than taking time to let you know you're loved.
Nothing.
Not paying bills or
Responding to emails or
Reading blogs or
Teaching an Online Course for UCF or
Ebay or
Facebook.
Forgive me for acting like the most important thing isn't the most important thing.
When you were 3
You did not want to cuddle or hug.
I prayed that you would learn to enjoy being loved.
Now you do
And I tell you to move away.
Shame on me.
Forgive me, honey.
Someday, you might think you're too big to cuddle.
So I will remember to cherish
Every hug
Every kiss
Every moment
Every day.

You can read more about our AWEtism experience by clicking: 
AWEtism....Life on the BRIGHT SIDE of the Spectrum

Running With A Torch

"Running with a Torch"

Where does your imagination take you when you read that?

I'm sure you think of the beginning of the Olympic games, where Running with the Torch has become a historic event. Those who are chosen feel privileged as the throngs of people cheer with anticipation as our athletes seek to push themselves to reach their dreams. Hard work and endurance are awarded by bronze, silver and gold.

Indeed, I beheld with my own eyes, Torch Running of a Different Kind.

While relaxing watching TV with my husband, and my son was content playing on the computer, I easily could have missed my torch bearer as he whooshed up the stairs and down the hallway. My "Mommy Gut Instinct" was alerted, as I summoned my son. He did not immediately appear, which means I must heed the questions racing through my mind.

"Jonathan! What is going on? What did you have raised over your head? And where did you put it?"

I sure was hoping that what I thought I saw, was not really what I saw. But alas, the confession only confirmed my vision.

"Well, Mom, see...there was a problem with the potty downstairs, so I got that thing from the upstairs bathroom, and took care of the problem. It's fine now, really...there isn't much damage to the bathroom. I did good."

Yes...the "torch" indeed was the Plumber's Helper from the upstairs bathroom. And the dripping of water all through the den and up the stairs and down the hall, not to mention IN my son's hair was from the "problem with the potty".

This reminds me of the hundreds of times Jonathan has taken it upon himself to "fix" a problem. It really doesn't naturally occur to him to ask for help. Never has...not sure it ever will, but I can hope. After a gazillion times of Mom and Dad saying "Just ask" perhaps one day he will.

So I have learned to rely on MGI (Mommy Gut Instinct). When I "sense" something isn't quite right I become like a secret agent on an espionage mission. Inevitably I find my son immersed in some plan or project I would object and forbid. (Notice the word "immersed" was used. No pun intended.)

The surprise his time, however, he DID fix the problem, and there was little evidence of a disaster.

Except of course for the trail of potty water up the stairs and down the hall.

Anyone need a plumber? I know one who will work for a bag of Skittles. : )

The Details - Jonathan's Perspective

While getting ready for school, Jonathan said something very profound.

"Mom, the God who created the whole entire universe made me. I think He cares about details."

At first I laughed. Then I realized how truly significant this thought process was for him. For my precious son is autistic, and it is hard for him to grasp that anyone could feel or think differently than he does. But, at least for a brief moment, he saw him self as a "detail" God cared about....not the center of God's creation. His horizon is becoming wider.

He's not belittling himself, just putting things in perspective.

Yes, Jonathan...God does care about the details. : )

A Dozen Thoughts - What Every Parent of an ASD Child Wished Their Child's Teacher Knew

1) It is never a shock that my child has behavior issues. I live with him. I know.

2) Tell me 2 good things about my child when you have to tell me something bad. Think of it as a sandwich. Good/Bad/Good.

3) Let me know you like my child.

4) Realize that I often feel guilty that he is in your class, because I know he takes up so much more of your time and effort than typical children do.

5) Even though my child has non-compliance issues, I am not a wimpy parent. I work harder, correct more, brainstorm more, set up reward programs, try to be diligently consistent, read more, worry more than parents of typical children.

6) Include me in on decisions about my child.

7) Ask me what works at home.

8) Try to go easy on the homework. We have enough struggles around here! Understand, if you assign homework we may or may not be able to get it done.

9) If my son says the tag in his shirt bothers him, cut it out, you totally have my permission. If you don't cut it out, plan on a bad day.

10) Remember that my child is a few years behind socially and emotionally. He may need help remembering to bring home jackets and lunch boxes. I have extras, but when they start to pile up at school, send them home.

11) Try to use my child's strengths in the classroom if you can. It will make his self-esteem soar.

12) Applaud me for getting him to school on time. You have no idea...

The Funny Side of Autism

People with autism tend to take everything literally, which can make for difficult times. You have to explain every Idiom.  But it can also make for humorous moments...

Jonathan comes to me:
"Mom...I'm soooooooooooo hungry. Can I have a snack?" 
(It was 4:45, and if he had a snack at that point, he would never eat dinner.)

So, I said "No, honey, dinner is right around the corner" 

He immediately grabbed my hand and replied, "Well come on then. Let's take a walk around the corner!!"

Gotta love it!

2 Birds + 1 Stone = Poor boy

There are some things that, if I did not have a child with autism, I would never experience. Some are not fun, but most give me new perspectives, unique and often humorous.

Last night while out with my son, I mentioned a few things that I needed to do, saying that I was going to "kill two birds with one stone"

A look of horror came upon his face.

"Mom, you? You're going to kill 2 birds with a stone? I thought you loved birds? Why would you want to kill them?"

Before I could help him understand, he was crying for the twin precious feathered creatures that were going to meet their Maker at his own Mother's hands.

For those of you who don't know me...let me inform you that I have trouble with the idea of stepping on a bug. Everyone around me knows that to me life is sacred. Ask my husband about my rant on air guns and how a pellet may never touch a living thing. Well...you get the picture.

To my son, the thought that Mom was going to kill not one, but two birds, and that she was confessing she was going to do it prior to actually committing the act was more than he could handle.

All this is to say, people on the spectrum have a very difficult time with idioms. They think in concrete terms. As Temple Grandin puts it "they think in pictures". So he vividly imagined me extinguishing two helpless birds.

I explained to him the meaning a few times. That it didn't really mean I was going to kill any birds, it was just that I was going to be able to get two things done at the same time.

Did he understand? Yes, he did. Finally. Pshoooo.
We get home, he's ok. No more tears. 

Getting ready for bed, he brings me the empty box from his new shoes. He handed it to me and said, "This is for the birds, so you can bury them when you're done."

Bless his heart. I guess I need to choose my words more carefully!

The Butterfly Boy

When my son was young, it seemed as if autism was a monster controlling him. It was a scary time, to say the least. We were not given a great prognosis about his future, at best, his potential was unknown. Then, I noticed he became intrigued by butterflies, literally dancing with glee as he watched them. I remember once, him crawling inside a net basket, and as he came out he "flew" around the room. He was enacting a butterfly coming out of the cocoon! All this was prior to him having a single word he understood or could verbalize. Amazing.

At one point, there was this "aha" moment for me as I realized that a butterfly was very symbolic about my son. In 2 minutes flat, I wrote the poem below. I wanted to share it, and hope you enjoy!

The Butterfly Boy

copyright © 2004 Donna M Cooper

My son, my love

Once trapped inside a cocoon, alone in the dark

Yet, One more powerful than I was working a miracle

While I feared you would forever remain aloof, distant

The Creator of all could see the day when you would metamorphose

You broke from your small abode, no longer crawling

But fluttering in the sun, soaking up the rays

Bringing delight to all who would stop to gaze and reflect on the wondrous transformation

My son, I see your passion for the vibrant winged insect and I ponder...

Do you love them so, because they are so much like yourself?

You too were once encased, enclosed, hibernating

Now, you've emerged even more beautiful than I could imagine

Full of life, full of energy, full of love

Fly my precious butterfly, enjoy the world around you

There is so much for you to learn

Thank you for coming out of your cocoon

I am awed at the wonder of it all

And so very blessed to behold your beauty

Victory in the Lunchroom

There have been some issues brewing at Jonathan's school. It came to a place that it needed some Mommy intervention. I prepared visual supports and updated a stagnant token system to help my son become motivated to participate and cooperate. I went to the school  to share the new plan with the teacher. I ended up staying until noon, helping Jonathan to get back on track with our expectations.

The new supports helped Jonathan to change some of his behaviors and attitudes, and the morning went amazingly well. I was so proud of him!

One challenge he has had all year has been the lunchroom. He gets easily overwhelmed with the noise level and smells, and he would often have strange and unusual behaviors! The Resource Teacher decided to let Jonathan pick 2 friends each day to have lunch with, and eat at a smaller table. Since that decision was implemented, things have been peachy! (All I knew was that there were no longer bad reports about the cafeteria, but did not know the new strategy.)

As the children were lining up for lunch, the teacher reminded Jonathan to pick 2 friends. ALL, not a few or some, but ALL the children raised their hands and exuberantly asked Jonathan to pick them to sit with.

"Pick me!!! Pick me!!!!" they all begged. Jonathan picked 2 boys for Monday, 2 different boys for Tuesday and then said, "I guess I need to give some girls a chance Wednesday." HA!!

It was so comforting to me to see that all the children clamoring to spend time with my son! And I think it helps Jonathan's self esteem to know that all the children want to be his friend.

While we were at lunch, Jonathan interacted appropriately. Laughed, listened, asked questions of his friends and stayed on topic, even when it was a subject he wasn't so interested in. I was impressed at his ability to interact and converse in a much more sophisticated way than I've observed in the past.

It was a very good day!

Gentleman Training 101

I've been working on Gentleman Training 101 with Jonathan.

Teaching him to open doors and wait, and what to say after he is thanked.

 

It is working!

 

Mike was sick, so he did not go to church. Only Jonathan and I went. Jonathan held the door open for me as we were coming into our church, I thanked him, to which he replied, "My pleasure," With a sweet voice.

 

I had no idea there was a group of 10 or so ladies standing in earshot. There was a simultaneous "awwwww" and then they clamored to adopt him, with offers of candy.

When we got on the elevator Jonathan said, "Man, this gentleman stuff has great benefits!"

 

That's my boy!